Delusions
by sick-atxxheart
Summary: Everyone is surprised when Harry and Draco come in to the Great Hall with their hair colors switched. Everyone is even more surprised when it turns out that Draco and Harry have quite their own little surprise for them. Funny fic, you won't regret it!
1. Chapter 1

Hogwarts was thrown into turmoil and chaos when Harry Potter came to breakfast with silky, blonde hair, and Draco Malfoy arrived with black, spiky hair. There was no doubt in anyone's mind that a spell had gone wrong; but the circumstances of such a spell were so funny to think about it was almost awkward. Both of them looked so strange that everyone couldn't help but laugh, but the glares they got from both boys quickly shut everyone up.

The entire Great Hall fell silent when Harry and Draco met by the teacher's table. There was just a _feeling _in the air that something major was going to happen- and forks dropped, food was set down, and juice swallowed anxiously as all the students, Gryffindor and Slytherin alike, watched in anticipation. Even the teacher's table had fallen silent; this confrontation was _sure_ to be good.

The two eyed each other for a long minute, standing a few feet apart. As intimidating as the scene looked, those who knew the two boys thought they _still_ looked absolutely hilarious. Draco's pale skin clashed against his black hair, and Harry's tanner complexion looked strange with such light locks.

After another long minute, Harry began to smirk at Draco, while the other boy just looked infuriated. The silence obviously went on too long, as soon after someone from the Slytherin table screamed, "Say something already!"

There were a few nervous chuckles that resounded throughout the Great Hall. Harry, despite himself, smiled with them. Chancing a look up at the Head Table, Harry saw Dumbledore, in all his wisdom, smiling down encouragingly at him. Harry took this as a good sign, and he gave the slightest, almost inperceptible nod to Draco.

The reaction from the normally-blonde boy was immediate, and as soon as a single word came out of his mouth the room fell into silence once again.

"Darn it, Harry, why'd you have to steal my hair again?"

The reaction was immediate. The Great Hall fell into gasps and whispers. Not only had _Draco Malfoy_ called his arch-enemy _Harry,_ but he hadn't even blown his head off! It was unbelievable!

Soon enough, however, everyone turned back to the two in the middle of the Hall, waiting for the... _something_... that would surely come next. The students at this point, and even some of the teachers, were confused enough to not even know what to expect next.

Harry and Draco seemed to be conversing so quietly that not even the students sitting right next to them could hear their words. When they both stepped away from one another, the smiles on both of their faces looked extremely mischevious.

Harry sighed loudly. "Oh, fine. You want me to put it back, Drake?"

Both ignored the even louder gasps and whispered that ensued at yet another nickname, and just continued their little charade. It was quite obvious that they were both enjoying themselves, but no one could quite figure out exactly_ why._

"Yes, Harry, I would prefer it if you _would_ give me my hair back! I like being blonde!" Draco's voice was now dangerously close to a whine, and despite what was happening, it was so comical that most of the students couldn't help but laugh.

Everyone was so enthralled with the scene going on in front of them that no one, not even any of the teachers, noticed Severus Snape rise up from his chair and slowly descend the steps to the main floor.

"Oh, you're such a baby!" Harry was saying, but there was a teasing note in his voice that made it very obvious he wasn't trying to be cruel. "Just 'cause you can't have your blonde hair for _one day_-"

"Only because you stole it!" Draco interrupted hotly, still smiling despite the words that were coming out of his mouth. "You little hair stealer-"

"Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Potter." The smooth, silky voice interrupted their act fluidly, and both boys turned with trepidation towards the Potions Master, who was standing behind them, looking quite intimidating. "May I ask exactly _what_ you are doing?"

"Um-" Draco began, but Harry cut in.

"Well, _sir," _he said, emphasizing the word as if it were a curse, "I believe we are negotiating a deal as to the exchange of hair color."

Snape rolled his eyes, slightly infuriated. "Thank you for that astoundingly astute explanation, Mr. Potter," he said, his voice verging on a warning tone. "Surprisingly enough, I figured that much out for myself. Now if you please, Mr. Malfoy- care to explain what is going on?"

The change in Draco's demeanor was obvious, as his shoulders straightened out and his posture was corrected. The glare in his godfather's eyes was quite threatening, and Draco personally had no desire to witness the wrath of an angry Ex-Death Eater. However, he and Harry had a plan, and he was in no mood to change that.

Quickly making a decision, Draco took a deep breath and said, "Harry stole my hair, sir, and I'm trying to get it back."

Snape sighed yet again. "I also have understood that," he said quietly. "My question is, exactly _how_ did this 'stealing of hair color' come about?"

"Well, sir-" Harry began, but was cut off by Draco once again.

"We were... um... studying last night-"

"Yeah, studying-" Harry butted in again.

"But then a spell went wrong-" Draco continued, shooting a glance at Harry.

"And somehow our hair colors were switched," Harry finished with a grin on his face, looking triumphantly at the Potions Master.

The school seemed to be waiting with an elated breath. There were no sounds in the room; it seemed, in fact, that no one was breathing as they watched the confrontation between the Potions Master and the two former-enemies who now seemed to be on the same side. Harry glanced over his shoulder briefly and saw Ron and Hermione sitting together, watching him; they knew of this plan, and although they didn't particularly _support _it, Hermione's genius had helped make it happen.

Finally, Snape spoke again, and this time his voice was full of a rather rude resentment. "That's the most ridiculous excuse I've ever heard," he said coldly, looking from boy to boy in disgust.

Harry laughed, and the death glare Snape sent him in return should have been enough to freeze boiling water; however, the man just continued speaking.

"You're not even _friends!_" Snape exploded loudly. "How in the name of _Merlin_ were you _studying_ together?"

"Well," Harry began, "You see, all you have to do is sit down at the same table and look at the same book-"

"I PERFECTLY UNDERSTAND WHAT STUDYING IS, YOU INSOLENT CHILD!" Snape roared. "My question," he began again, taking a deep, shuddering breath, "Is how you two came to be... close... enough to not kill one another when you're in the same room."

"It's because-" Draco cut in, "Well, I suppose it's because we discovered something else is more important."

"And that would be?" Snape asked, trying to calm himself down, without much success.

Draco and Harry both smirked at him and said, "That's for us to know, and for you to find out."

Then, both turned in unison and walked out of the Great Hall, leaving behind a stunned Snape and a shocked hall of students.

Only those in the back of the room saw that the two were holding hands as they walked out.

--

Once they had successfully reached an empty classroom, Harry pulled Draco in and slammed the door, laughing. "I can't believe they fell for it!" He gasped, clutching his stomach and nearly falling over. "They fell for it!"

"I know!" Draco said, grinning. "And did you see the look on Snape's face?"

"Yeah!" Harry exclaimed. "It was priceless-"

But suddenly the smile fell off Draco's face, and he dropped to sit on one of the desks. "You know that now, Harry, we have to convince them that we really aren't gay?"

Harry stopped smiling too. "Oh, crap."


	2. Chapter 2

"But Hermione!" Harry whined indignantly, looking up at his friend with puppy-dog eyes. "I'm not gay, I swear!"

Hermione rolled her eyes in return. "Well, what else am I supposed to think, Harry? You and _Draco Malfoy_ together, holding hands_­_- really, at least you have good taste though-"

"_Hermione!"_ Ron interjected, looking hurt. "He's a little ferret, you can't say that-"

"A ferret," Hermione cut in, "with astoundingly good looks, _Ronald_."

"And blonde hair!" Harry said innocently, feeling rather foolish. All in all, he was just remembering what a good joke it had been. The school was still in an uproar, hours and hours later; no one seemed to be interested in letting it go, or believing them.

_It just figures,_ Harry thought. _They don't believe me about Voldemort, but they'll believe I'm gay!_

Almost as if hearing his thoughts, Hermione gave Harry a look and said, "Well, really Harry, you do like to make yourself look… pretty."

Ron's face turned to one of horror as he looked between Harry and Hermione incredulously. Harry's face mirrored Ron's, but had an added evil little smirk that really made him look… well, _evil_.

"Being pretty isn't a sin!" Harry exclaimed triumphantly, sounding proud of himself; but then again, maybe it was just his ego shooting off.

"Of course it isn't," another smooth voice cut in, and Hermione and Ron turned with trepidation to find Draco Malfoy standing casually behind them. The look on his face was relaxed and amused at the same time; Hermione couldn't help wondering how he was so good at showing emotion on his face, but really not revealing anything. It was talent, to be sure.

"Hey, Drake," Harry commented absently, staring off into space. He was brought back down to Earth when Hermione's exclamation startled him.

"See, Harry?! That's what we're talking about! Stuff like that! 'Drake'! What is that?"

"A nickname?" Draco offered, grinning uncharacteristically. "Ever heard of it, Granger?"

Hermione shook her head exasperatedly at the Slytherin, before turning back to Harry. "You're not even friends, Harry! Please help me, because I _don't understand!"_

Hearing the whine in her voice and realizing his friend was very close to having a mental breakdown from lack of information, Harry took pity on her and said, "Look, Hermione. Draco and I have been friends for… what, a few months now, right?" He asked, turning to the blonde. At Draco's nod of affirmation, he continued.

"He's really not that bad- he's not the arrogant little ferret we thought he was," Harry said offhandedly. Draco made a sound of indignation at that, and Ron just smirked in his little corner; Harry ignored them both, still talking.

"We planned the joke. We thought it would be hilariously funny- and most of all, we even _hoped_ that Snape would get in the middle of it. It made it so much better!"

Draco and Harry both started laughing uproariously, and Ron and Hermione just stared at each other in both wonder and confusion. What had _happened_ to them?

--

"Okay, what are we going to do?" Harry asked quietly, looking at his friend. "Nobody believes us." They were back in the same empty classroom they had escaped to after the escapade in the Great Hall.

Draco sighed for a minute, before looking up, his eyes brightening. "I know!" He exclaimed. "We just need another plan- oh, and I know the perfect person to help us!"

Dashing out of the classroom before Harry could even register what was happening, he was gone. Harry sighed, before grinning and following the other boy out. This probably wouldn't be good.

They ended up in the dungeons, standing outside Snape's office door. Harry turned to Draco, his eyebrows raised in disbelief.

"_Snape?!_" He exclaimed, looking shocked. "You think he's going to help us?"

Draco looked rather evil right now, Harry considered, before starting listening to what the boy was saying.

"-Of _course_ he's going to help us, even if he's insanely angry at us right now- I mean, Snape's always up for making fools of other people, right? This is the perfect opportunity," Draco said, grinning.

Harry suddenly understood, but he still looked doubtfully at Draco. "Do I get to keep my hair this time?" he asked sadly, sounding very much like a three-year-old who had just been scolded. Draco rolled his eyes.

"Oh, get over yourself Harry, your hair is ugly anyway."

The resounding slap that came as a response to that comment echoed through the corridor, and did not go unnoticed by Professor Snape, who heard it from inside his office.

Slamming the door open, he was greeted with the sight of two teenage boys, one blonde and one raven-haired, giving each other death glares. It was a rather amusing sight. However, being the cruel person that he was, he had to be mean.

That's just the way it went.

"Do I dare ask what you two are doing?" Snape said loudly, giving his own death glares to the two students. They immediately shrunk back and stared at him in terror.

It took awhile, but Draco finally worked up the nerve to speak. "W-We came to ask your help, sir," he said quietly, looking up at his professor. Before Snape could interrupt with some retort, he continued.

"You see, what we did this morning- that was just a joke, it really was," Draco finished hastily, looking at the floor. Next to him, Harry nodded anxiously, trying hard to reinforce Draco's statement.

"But nobody will believe us," Draco said sadly. "We really aren't gay- it was just funny-"

The look on Snape's face was almost just as priceless as the one they had witnessed in the Great Hall. It was a mixture of incredulity, amazement, and anger that really made for an awesome facial expression. Harry couldn't control his giggles, and that was his first mistake.

Snape turned to Harry, his face angry now. "What's so funny, Potter?" He roared. Harry's smirk quickly disappeared from his face.

"N-Nothing, sir," he said. "So will you help us? We thought you would like it, because all the students, and teachers, probably, are going to feel like fools once we're done."

That argument was enough. Letting the two boys regretfully into his office, they began coming up with a plan.

--

Everything was carefully planned out. Draco and Harry rose early that morning, along with Ron and Hermione; they had been let in on the plan, simply for the reason that it was easier that way.

They all arrived in the Great Hall at about the same time. The large room was still quite empty, allowing Harry to nod over to Draco a confirmation that everything was going as planned. Up at the staff table, Snape also was watching the two boys. As much as he disliked the trouble they seemed to constantly find themselves in, they both really were rather brilliant.

They didn't have to wait long for an acceptable number of people to fill the Great Hall. It was then that their plan began.

Draco and Harry stalked towards one another once again, meeting in the middle of the room, just as they had the day before. They had both been just about to start shouting- and the whole crowd was watching in silence once again- when Snape suddenly interrupted, before any words could be exchanged.

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Malfoy," he said smoothly, arriving behind them in a flurry of his black cloak. "Here to make another school disruption, I assume?" His voice was laced with as much contempt and disdain as possible, and Draco and Harry both visibly winced at the sound of it.

"No, sir," Draco said firmly. "We were just talking-"

"Talking?" Snape interrupted. "In the middle of the Great Hall, when you know everyone will be watching you? I find that rather unnecessary."

"Well," Harry tried this time, "We just thought-"

"Did you not think we would all discover what it was we needed to 'find out,' as it was so eloquently put yesterday?" Snape queried. "It's rather obvious, isn't it?"

"What is it, Professor?" One of the braver students from the audience piped up. One glare from Snape shut him up quickly.

"Yes, what is it?" Snape said fluidly, looking at the two in front of him carefully. "Oh, pray tell. Is it that you're-"

"WE AREN'T GAY!"Draco and Harry yelled together at the top of their lungs. Their voice echoed off the top rafters of the hall, and all the way out into the corridors; some of the ghosts at the top of the castle shuddered from the sound of it.

"Oh, you aren't?" Snape said, quirking an eyebrow. "Are you sure? Well, then, I suppose there is one way to test it-"

Before either boy could react, Snape reached out and had grabbed both of their heads by their hair. The whole crowd gasped- what was happening? Apparently, those two weren't gay, no matter what had happened yesterday- but what exactly was Snape _doing?_

It didn't take long for them to get an answer. Holding their heads tightly, Snape began pulling them closer together, so close that their lips might meet- and the room seemed to be holding their breaths, as they watched both boys struggle against their teacher's grasp to get away from one another, but they couldn't-

And just at the last moment, one of the boys (it was rather unclear which) seemed to remember that he still had control of a wand. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled it out and whispered a spell in the last seconds before their lips touched. Snape was thrown backwards, and Harry and Draco both fell to the floor.

The room was still silent as everyone strained their necks to see exactly what had happened. Draco and Harry were both still sprawled on the floor, awkwardly looking at one another with varying degrees of disgust. Snape was just getting up, and he was the one everyone was interested in, waiting for his reaction.

They were all surprised when he just turned around to stare at the two on the floor exasperatedly. "Well," he said loudly, "I suppose you really aren't gay, then."

--

**I decided to make a second part of this, due to all my wonderful reviewers for the first chapters! I might even keep going, but I'm not sure. Let me know what you think of this. I know it isn't quite as good, and the convincing that they aren't gay isn't that wonderful, but I thought it was amusing! Please excuse Snape if he's slightly OOC :)**

**This was not meant to offend anyone – It's all in good fun. :D**

**Please review!**


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